Odysseus
by Moxi the Fox
Summary: Fifteen years ago Dr. Samuel Beckett started Project Quantum Leap but for the last eight months after his leap to a strange bar called "Al's Place" Ziggy hasn't been able to establish a link. Al thinks that a link to the past holds the key to finding Sam and bringing him home once and for all.
1. Chapter 1

Odysseus

I fell in love with you the day I first met you. Part of me regrets that I never told you that. Another wonders how much it would have even mattered. Being here now seemed pointless. I asked myself a thousand times on the plane ride here what I was even doing. Al called me about three days ago, asking a favor of me. Now here I was on a plane bent for New Mexico. My heart beat rapidly in anticipation although I knew I wouldn't see you there. It was silly really. Al had told me everything. Not on the phone of course. He'd come to visit me from time to time like you used to but it's been fifteen years since you last paid me a visit. I heard you don't remember me. Just as well. I never meant that much to you anyway. The plane landed and after I got my bags there was Al standing there smoking a cigar. Some things never change.

"Tessa! I'm glad you could make it," Al threw his arms around me smiling.

I squeezed him as tight as I could, "Al, it's good to see you."

"How's Malcolm?"

He meant my dad; he and my dad had been in Vietnam together. My dad came home but Al didn't. At least not right away.

I tried to smile, "he's- well honestly, he's been better."

Al said nothing. He had heard by now that my father was dying of cancer. I knew that the two of them tried to keep correspondence even if it was against the rules strictly speaking. However, no one thought, going in, that this would go on as long as it did. He took me to the project in a metallic car with buttons on the dashboard that looked like something out of Star Trek. Not the Next Generation with Patrick Stewart but the original with all the gaudy flashing lights. It was awful. He drove like a maniac and I held on for dear life as I tried to catch a glance at the speedometer.

"I don't usually drive like this. I only figured that since you're here, if someone tries to pull us over you can flash that fancy badge of yours. Say we're on official police business," Al said as he turned his head for a split second to wink at me.

"Oh no, Al, don't think I'm going to cover your ass. I've done that plenty in the past."

Al laughed his voice was coarse from years of smoking. His smile disappeared, "I'm afraid I'm going to ask you to save my ass one last time."

"Is that all?" I joked.

"Tessa, this is serious. It's Sam. We haven't been able to find him. Gushie has been trying everything but Ziggy keeps insisting that she can't establish a lock."

I looked out the window. There was nothing but desert everywhere. Off in the distance I could see the silhouette of mountains but they were so faint I could have imagined them. I didn't know what to say. Instead of trying to come up with something to say I checked my reflection in the mirror. I looked so much older than I'd remembered. My laugh lines were always present now and I was reminded of the time when I used to smile. Now I didn't have anything in the world to smile about. Sam was gone. What was bringing me here going to do? I'm just an Irish cop from Chicago but Al said that I held the key. Maybe I was his last hope. If that was the case then he must have been desperate.

"How's Dona doing?" I asked not knowing why.

Al gave me a look, "are you serious?"

I nodded.

"Oh sure she's fine. Just dandy," his voice dripping with sarcasm.

We pulled up to the base and Al escorted me inside. Project personnel passed us left and right. They were rushing off to do something, I couldn't imagine what. What could they possibly be doing if Sam was gone? He led me all the way into the control room where Gushie was frantically smacking away at the control board. The doors shut and I looked around the vast space with the rainbow colored control panel and the giant blue sphere that was Ziggy's consciousness. More than ever I felt that I had made the wrong decision coming here.

"Oh, you must be Captain McDowall! I'm Gushie, well that's what everyone calls me," his hands shaking wildly as he spoke.

I nodded at him giving him a halfhearted smile. Al pointed over to a small metallic door and told me it lead to the imaging chamber. That's where he wanted me to go. The theory being that the reason Al couldn't establish a lock with Sam is because Sam didn't recognize him. Not even a little part of him as in the first leap. Al had worked out that maybe I, a childhood friend, would be more easily recognizable. He felt I was safer than a relative too. Sam wouldn't want to get his family involved. They wouldn't understand his distance the way I had. Not to say that I was completely okay with it either. As far as Thelma knew Sam was safe, just busy. It wouldn't be the first time he'd neglected to call for ten years. He was a good man but a terrible son. Maybe he wasn't even a good friend, I thought as I looked at Al. He seemed tired. I wasn't sure I had ever seen him so rundown. Not since he'd come back from Vietnam and found out Beth had remar-. No she hadn't. She waited for him. They had four daughters. Didn't they?

"Go ahead and try it," Al gave me a soft push towards the door.

More than anything, I was afraid it would work and I'd have to see Sam again. What would I say? That is if he even remembered me. Maybe it would be better that way or maybe it would be worse. I didn't even know what I wanted to happen. Al yelled outside the door that they were searching for Sam. Different times and places whirled around me and I heard many voices. There! I saw Sam. I concentrated hard on his face and before long the room had stopped spinning and I was in a green field. It looked like Ireland. There were sheep and there was Sam. As a shepherd. He waved at me as he walked over. My heart plummeting into my stomach as he was near enough that, had I not been a hologram, I could have reached out to touch him.

"Hello, Sam," I said weakly.

He turned his head to the side perplexed. It took him a moment but I saw in his eyes that he had remembered, "T-Tessa?"


	2. Chapter 2

It took me a second to find the words to say. What was I suppose to say? It'd been ten years since I last saw him. Hell, I didn't even know how much of me he remembered. He looked the same. Those almond eyes looked at me inquisitively as if he could, if he wanted to, stare right into me but he never did because that was how Sam was, a gentleman, never invasive even when he could be so easily.

"Sam…hi," I decided to start with as I tucked a strand of my red hair behind my ear.

Sam smiled and my heart melted, "Tessa. I suppose it's been a while since we last saw each other. They weren't supposed to send me anyone else. How's Al? Is he safe? Is he happy?"

"He's doing alright. He's worried about you though. What do you mean they weren't supposed to send anyone else?"

Sam shook his head at the ground and let out a long sigh. He lifted his head to the sky and squinted at the clouds as if looking for the words to say written in plain sight.

"Al, couldn't find me because I didn't want him too. It's time for him to live his own life. And forget about me," he sounded so sad.

This was the man I was in love with. How couldn't I be? Even now, in his situation, leaping from lifetime to lifetime, he was the most selfless person I'd ever met. I don't know if I could have done the same in his situation. Had he really let Al go? I wanted to reach out and touch him to hold him in my arms and tell him everything was alright. Part of me was angry to, for all his selflessness he'd forgotten about his responsibilities in his own life and somehow that didn't seem fair either. As much as I despised Dona, she needed her husband and her mother needed a son.

"Do you want to know why you're here?"

Sam shook his head, "I already know why I'm here. I don't need Ziggy anymore."

I laughed, "well, don't let her hear you say that."

There was a moment where it grew very quiet between us. It reminded me of the day I got married. He had visited me right before I was to walk down the altar. He snuck in and told me how beautiful I looked. I wanted him to grab me by the hand and ask me to run away with him but he didn't. I gave him his last chance, because if he'd just said the word then, I would have gone. Leaving poor Anthony at the altar. I had told Sam that I wasn't sure if I was making the right decision.

"You are. Come on, Tessa, you love Anthony. The two of you always look so happy together," he had said.

"I know, but am I ready to be a bride, Sammy?"

He smiled at me in that patronizing way, "go. I really think you should."

"B-but what if," I'd started to say but I never finished my sentence.

"Tessa, don't make excuses for yourself. You've already made the decision. It's only cold feet. I know you won't regret it."

His eyes were full of tears, I'd always assumed they were tears of pride because I was like a sister to him. After he said it, he leaved in slowly and kissed me on the cheek. His lips hovered there for a beat too long and then he pulled away. We stood there in silence until I was called to the aisle. He squeezed my upper arm and wished me luck. When I'd made it to the altar and the pastor told our guests to sit, I heard the door close. I turned to where Sam had been sitting but he was gone.

Now, Sam stood before me again and I was tongue tied all over again. It had never been the right time for me to tell him how I felt. Would there ever be a right time to tell him? He smiled awkwardly. I rocked back on my heels. We started to say something, laughed and offered for the other to go first.

"I think I owe you an apology," Sam said.

I smiled, "what for?"

Sam hesitated before he spoke, "oh, Tessa," he whispered mournfully.

"I don't understand."

He became really quiet and then sat down on the grass. I knelt beside him.

"I've been a terrible friend to you. And now they've called you here to help me? Well, I'm afraid you can't. I'm stuck here. I can't go home," he rubbed his face in his hands and then looked me straight in the eyes and said, "even if I could, I don't think I would."

I understood now why Sam had tried to keep Al from finding him. He didn't want to come home and that was his choice but he couldn't force Al into all of this.

"That doesn't mean we can't help you. Even if you've decided to continue to do this."

"I can't ask you to do this," he said pulling his finger through a strand of my hair.

"Well, it's our choice. If we want to help you, you have to let us make our own decision. We're grown-"

I began to stare at my hair in Sam's hand. He looked at me questioningly. I stuck out a hand and grabbed Sam on the shoulder and he did the same to me. We were both too stunned to say anything or even move. I got up and tried to feel around for the imaging chamber door. I started to yell for Gushie or Al but I got no response except from the sheep.

"Tessa…I think…I think you leaped…"


End file.
